Owen Allred: Rules for Successfully Living Celestial or Plural Marriage

Owen A. Allred

By Owen Allred

In order to be successful in living the holy principal of celestial or plural marriage, there are certain rules and regulations that cannot be varied. Many of our people enter into this principle thinking that they know all about how to handle things, when in reality all they are doing is skimping along and doing what the wife or husband tells them to do, not thinking for themselves.

Let me set forth a few examples of rules that must be obeyed. The biggest problem in almost every family today involves finances, money that is earned in the family and how it is used, how it is distributed. Many times a man, thinking he is doing his wife a favor, tells her that he would like to have her handle the finances for the family. She considers this to be an honor to her. In some cases, a man has even promised his wife that no matter what happens, he will always allow her to handle the finances in the house or in the family. This is a very, very grievous mistake and is often the major reason for some unsuccessful marriages.

The minute a man turns over the finances to his wife and lets her handle the checking account, lets her keep track of the bookkeeping, he is lamed — lately putting her at the head of the family in that area. She has the say — so, she has the right to agree or disagree and say yes or no to any money that Is spent. Then when another wife comes into the family, she becomes subordinate to the wife who handles the finances. No woman should ever handle the finances in a celestial family. This must be solely the responsibility of the man, the head of the family. For no matter how hard a man tries to be just and fair, those who do not handle the finances will always believe that the wife who does handle the finances has priority over them. She uses the funds where she feels they are most needed, while the others have nothing to say about it.

Also, a man must never discuss private problems between him and a wife with another wife. You can even go farther and say that you should not discuss those private problems with anybody who has no right to know about those problems. Keep them to yourself.

A man must not discuss problems with another wife, unless both are involved, or unless all the wives are involved. If a problem is not the business of the other wives, do not take your problems to another wife. Just don’t do it. A man’s privacy with his wife is his business and her business. If a woman does not have enough confidence in her husband to know that he will be honest and true with her, regardless of where be is or whom he is with, then she will always be worried, unhappy and disagreeable.

Another rule to remember is that a wife should not tell her husband or her sister wife by her actions that she does not trust them. This is a very sad thing and causes unending problems. Each must be honest with the others.

Do not accuse another person of wrongdoing if you don’t know the true situation or do not wish to understand it. Ask, do not accuse. Do it in a manner of questioning, such as, “Wife, I don’t understand; is this what happened?” Don’t tell her that this ~ what happened, or, “I know you did!”

Another thing, don’t accuse a wife of not loving you, and a wife must never tell her husband that he doesn’t love her. To do so is immediately telling him that he is a liar and is just pretending to love her and his word is of no value. If love is not there, then do all you can to put it there.

If a husband doesn’t show his love to his wife, she should show him more love. If he does not return that love to her, then she should look for the causes and go to him in sweet patience, not accusing him. The minute she accuses, he feels obligated to come up with defenses, When the husband defends himself, that puts her in the wrong and him in the right, which creates a spirit of antagonism.

Another rule is that, a man cannot allow privileges to one wife that he does not allow to the other wives, without the other wives understanding it and giving their mutual consent. Don’t just give a wife privileges of any kind over and above others that you don’ t let the others know about, lest you create an atmosphere of priority again. Cooperate with all.

Show your wife or husband by word and action that you love them. By so doing, you bless them and the children, for children are happy and loving when they see love unfeigned in their parents.

Get the Spirit of God, the spirit of love in your family, and keep it, more than you would a precious jewel.

These rules should be followed in celestial marriage from beginning to end. Always remember that you can never live celestial marriage without the Spirit of God being with you. Make your. home a house of love and prayer. Remember that. Get the Spirit of God in your family and keep it there.

This is my advice and counsel.

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